(My mom is taking my brother, aged eighteen months, to our regular pediatrician for his check-up. By chance, she gets a new member of the practice: a very young doctor who has never met my family.)

Doctor: “…and he’s sleeping through the night in his own bed, right?”

Mom: “Well, he sleeps through the night, but usually he’s either in bed with me and his dad, or he climbs in with his big brother.”

(The doctor looks shocked.)

Doctor: “Oh, don’t you know the latest studies show you shouldn’t encourage that? Children who don’t sleep by themselves can become very shy and clingy!”

Mom: “Really? Shy and clingy? Let’s try something.”

(She picks up my brother and walks out of the exam room and down the hall with him, then puts him down and faces the doctor.)

Mom: “Call him.”

(The doctor calls my brother’s name. My brother immediately trots back along the hall, goes into the exam room, and starts telling the doctor all about his day. My mom gives it a good minute and a half before she comes back to the exam room herself.)

Mom: “Shy and clingy?”

Doctor: “…let me see what vaccinations he needs.”

(My grandfather, uncle, and my uncle’s family are all St. Louis Cardinals fans. My grandmother, my dad, and our family are Chicago Cubs fans. The Cubs and Cardinals have a pretty big rivalry, but we get along just fine. We are leaving, and an old woman approaches us.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me, but are you all family?”

Dad: “Two families, but related.”

Old Woman: “And you get along just fine?”

Uncle: “Yeah.”

Old Woman: “It’s people like you that give me hope for world peace!”

(I’m about to leave the country to live one year abroad with my boyfriend. We are telling the news to my grandmother.)

Grandmother: “So, you are going to live with your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

(My grandmother turns to my father.)

Grandmother: “You just wait; she is going to come back married.”

Me: “No, grandma! I still have to graduate university! It’s too soon for that.”

Grandmother: *still talking to my father* “That’s if she doesn’t return with a baby in her arms!”

Father: “Mother!”

Grandmother: “Oh, yes, you are right. Today, they have ways to avoid it. It was just back in my day we had to worry about that…”

(My mum and dad are in a home improvement store, looking at paint colours.)

Dad: “I like this one! What’s it called?”

(Dad picks up the tin and reads off the label.)

Dad: “‘Wise Precautions’? That’s a strange name for a paint.”

Mum: “Keep reading…”

Dad: “Wise Precautions: To avoid the risk of spillage always store and transport in a secure upright position. Oh…”

(My grandma is extremely frugal, and disapproves of any purchase. My mother is taking out an armful of long coats from the wardrobe.)

Mother: “We’ll need a new wardrobe to hang all these coats.”

Grandmother: “Pah! When I die, you’ll have plenty of wardrobe space.”

Mother: *still holding the coats* “Nice suggestion. Am I supposed to stand like this until you die?”