Makes You Want To Dye

(My best friend, my boyfriend, my brother, and I are all supposed to be watching my three-year-old cousin. It’s right before Easter, so we’re dying Easter eggs with her. My friend and I leave for two minutes to go grab paper towels. When we come back, she’s cover in egg dye while the guys are just sitting there watching.)

Me: “What the h*** guys?”

Brother: “She dyed herself.”

Me: “Okay, so we have to wash her.”

(We try everything, but nothing works. We try to come up with ways to make it sound better.)

Brother: “We’ll say she’s an Easter egg!”

Friend: “That’s not funny.”

(My friend is dating my brother.)

Boyfriend: “Ooh, someone’s not getting any tonight!”

Cousin: “Ooh, someone’s not getting any tonight, [brother’s name]!”

Friend: “We are all so f*****.”

Cousin: “F*****, f*****, f*****!”