Long Distance, Long Memory

(I am in a long distance relationship with a girl I had met three years prior, but we have just started dating. It is four months into the relationship, when I get a text from her.)

Girlfriend: “Baby, I love you, but I’m not being fair to you. We need to talk. Our lack of a physical relationship has made me be unfaithful to you.”

Me: “So you want to break it off?”

Girlfriend: “No, I know you’re the one for me.”

(Five months later…)

Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, but with my jobs I don’t have time for you anymore.”

(Three months later, my now ex-girlfriend messages me on Facebook.)

Ex-Girlfriend: “I’M PREGNANT!”

(Five years later, the latter four of which I have heard NOTHING from her…)

Ex-Girlfriend: “So, I made a big mistake. My husband treats me pretty badly and I want to leave him. You were always the one that got away. Want to be a stepdad?”