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It’s Corny But It’s True

| Right | February 10, 2017

(I work in a bath and body store that’s very well-known for being extremely environmentally friendly and super ethical. Because of this, customers are always trying to “catch” us doing or selling something that goes against our company values. One day a middle-aged woman comes in and the following happens:)

Me: “Hey there! How’s it—”

Customer: “How dare you call yourselves all-natural., I mean look at all of these awful ingredients!”

Me: “Well, we actually don’t claim to be completely—”

Customer: “I mean, I can’t even pronounce half of these disgusting chemicals! You should be ashamed!”

Me: “Which ingredients exactly are you refer—”

Customer: “Look at this garbage! Sodium bicarbonate?! Do you even know what that is? It probably burns your skin off!”

Me: “It’s baking soda.”

(The woman freezes at that point, clearly unsure of how to proceed, but obviously not quite ready to let it go.)

Customer: “Well… and look at this!” *picks up one of our packing peanuts, which are not Styrofoam but in fact food grade* “How long do you think these will sit in the landfill for?”

Me: “About thirty seconds.”

Customer: “You’re clearly completely uneducated.”

Me: “They’re made of corn.”

Customer: “I highly doubt that. I can’t believe a company that claims to be so environmentally—”

(She trails off as I grab a handful of packing peanuts and dunk them in a bowl of water sitting on the display table next to me. The peanuts melt into mush and I pull my hand back out covered in orange goo.)

Customer: “Well, you just have an answer for everything, don’t you?!”

(She stormed out of the store and in her haste almost took out an entire display table.)

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