I Have Not Yet Begun To Study For This Test

(I work in customer service at a university library. Research questions are fairly common, and if a librarian isn’t there we’re supposed to help as best we can. I get a phone call one day when:)

Me: “[Name] Library. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Yeah, I have a few questions.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: *clearly reading from something* “‘Which naval officer is most famous for saying, ‘I have not yet begun to fight?’ Is it A: Captain Farragut, B:—”

(She proceeds to list off four possible answers.)

Me: “Ma’am, is this a question for a test?”

Caller: “It is, but it’s online and there’s no time limit; we’ll have plenty of time to read through each question.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t help you take a test. That would be cheating.”

Caller: *pause* “But, come on… It’s online. Everyone cheats on these things. And you’re the library. Isn’t it your job to help us with research?”

Me: “My job is to assist students with questions regarding research papers and theses, not help them take tests. I could lose my job if I were to help you take a test.”

Caller: “I won’t tell anyone. I promise!”

Me: “Might I suggest consulting your notes or your prescribed textbook?”

Caller: “But… that would take so much longer!”

Me: “Well, then, it’s a good thing there’s no time limit. Have a nice day!”

(I hung up. Oh, and the answer was Captain John Paul Jones. Hopefully she figured it out.)