He’s Diving Into Shallow Waters

(I am male. My boyfriend and I go out to eat with my roommate and his new girlfriend. My roommate is 6’5″, and a little husky – she’s tiny. Not just in comparison but in general. They’ve been friends for a while, but he finally got the courage to ask her out when he realized she really wasn’t as shallow as most of the women who’ve turned him down before. This happens after we’ve been seated by the host.)

Waiter: *sounding bored* “Hello, I’m Jack I’ll be your waiter this eveni-” *pauses, staring from her to my roommate* “Are you two together?”

Friend: “Yes…?”

Waiter: *laughs* “Wow. Ma’am you can do better.”

Friend: “Excuse me?”

Waiter: “Well look at him… and then look at you.”

Friend: *looks at my roommate, who looks upset and embarrassed, then back at the waiter* “What about him?”

Waiter: “Well… don’t you want somebody with a better body?”

Friend: “If I was brainlessly shallow, perhaps.”

Waiter: “Did you just call me stupid?”

Friend: *dryly* “I don’t know, are you brainlessly shallow? And furthermore, I do hope you aren’t suggesting yourself as a better option because, really.” *looks him up and down and snickers* “No.”

Waiter: *yelling* “Who do you think you are?!”

(At that point the manager runs up, and sends the waiter to a different table. He ends up being our server that night, and even gives us a discount!)