Eyeing Up Some Karma

(I have just sat down on a train. There is a woman opposite me who glares at me before speaking.)

Woman: “What is that thing on your face?”

Me: “A birthmark.”

Woman: “Well it’s disgusting.”

Me: “Thank you…”

Woman: “No, seriously. You should get it removed. It’s f****** disgusting. I think I’m going to vomit.”

Me: “I’ll take that under advisement… By the way, did you know your lazy eye makes you look like that hyena from The Lion King?”

Woman: *turns red and starts to cry*

(I move to another seat at the other end of the carriage. Half an hour later, an elderly woman sits in my previous seat. She is just within ear shot.)

Elderly Woman: *after a couple of minutes* “Your glass eye is askew.”

(Cue screams and more crying.)