Don’t Lose True Love

(My boyfriend has travelled up the country by train to come visit me in my new flat. I’ve given him the address, instructions on how to get to the flat from the station, and a map to ensure there’s no way he’ll miss it. I am still at work when he is scheduled to arrive, so I won’t be there, and have my phone on silent. I arrive home about two hours after he is meant to arrive to find the flat empty and the key undisturbed in its hiding place, so I get out my phone to call him and see a number of missed calls and messages.)

Message #1: *around five minutes before he was meant to arrive* “Hey, babe, I’ve just got to [City]. I should be there in about 15 minutes. Love you!”

Message #2: *10 minutes later* “Hey, I know I said 15 minutes, but I think I got on the wrong bus. None of these street names look right. I’ll call you when I’m back on track.”

Message #3: *10 more minutes later* “Hey, I was on the wrong bus, but I’m back in the city centre now. Should be there in 15 minutes.”

Message #4: *5 minutes later* “Babe, I can’t find the right bus. Can you call me when you get this?”

Message #5: *5 more minutes later* “I really need you to call me/ No one’s heard of your street or bus. Please call me as soon as you get this.”

Message #6: *15 minutes later, and audibly upset* “Please call me back. I’m so lost. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Message #7: *10 minutes later, an hour after he was meant to arrive, sounding confident again* “I fell asleep on the train and didn’t realise the train got delayed. I’m in [City about 30 minutes away]. I am an idiot who will see you in an hour. Please don’t stop loving me just because I’m too stupid to function.”

(As I finish the messages and prepare to call him back, I hear a knock on the door, and open it to find my exhausted and disheveled boyfriend stood there. A smile breaks across his face and he falls forward wrapping his arms around me.)

Boyfriend: “Don’t listen to your messages. Things might have gotten complicated.”

Me: “Too late, but I still love you.”

Boyfriend: “Well, in that case you should keep me on a leash. Five days is more than enough time for me to get lost here as well.”

(True to his word, the next morning, we took a bus into town and he got lost as soon as I turned away. By the time we worked out where he was over the phone, he was nearly a mile away. After that I tied a length of cord between my backpack and his wrist. He didn’t get lost again.)