As Parents They’re Fired

(My wife is recovering from abdominal surgery, which she needed about a month after our daughter was born. My wife has been taking pain meds so that she can sleep.)

Wife: *out of what seemed to be a sound sleep* “You should put the baby out. She’s on fire.”

Me: “Did you just say that the baby is on fire?”

Wife: “Yes. She’s on fire. Put out the baby.” *goes back to sleep*

(As far as we could reconstruct, this was a drug-garbled attempt to get me to check to see if the baby was too hot. Needless to say, the baby wasn’t on fire, and “‘put the baby out if she’s on fire’ quickly became our favorite piece of advice for new parents.)