Unfiltered Story #328139

My new coworkers were talking about someone’s recent engagement and one persons joking claim that people on the east coast took way too long to get married. If you can’t tell from our conversation yes were all programmers.

Coworker 1: “[list of people] they all are taking years. Their just a bunch of serial daters.
Me: “Personally I find parallel dating to be far more efficient.”
Coworker 2: “Umm, I’m not sure that’s how dating works.”
Coworker 1: “I think they just call that cheating.”
Me: “Hey It’s simple the most efficient dating method. Though the data races can be killer…”

For you non geeks parallel dating would mean dating multiple people at once, and a data race is a common danger of parallel logic in programs involving something breaking due to things happening in a different order then you intended or expected.

Coworker 1: “What’s exactly would that be? Schedule a date with two women on the same day?”
Coworker 2: “At which point they find out and make sure your deadlocked, or just dead?”
Coworker 1 (in mock placating voice): “Honey honey it’s okay I promise I wasn’t cheating, were just parallel dating you see…”
Me: “Hey don’t knock it until you tried it. Technically every person I’ve dated has been parallel dating and I never had a problem with it.”
Coworker 2: “I’m highly skeptical of this claim.”
Me: “It’s true. Though it’s also technically true that I’ve dated just as many women as men, and technically everyone I dated was eight feet tall, had one glass eye, and liked to dress up as a rodent and stalk the night performing vigilante justice in a city that didn’t deserve them but did need them.”
Coworker 1: “You know you’re suppose to stay off the drugs until after work hours right?”
Me: “I’m aromantic so I’ve never dated anyone. Which means anything I say about ‘everyone I ever dated’ is technically a true statement.”
Coworker 1: “Hmm, the guy who’s never gotten a date is the one that recommends parallel dating, I’m wondering if there may be a cause and effect relationship going on here.”
Me: “And yet people keep coming to me for romantic advice as if asking the aromantic guy how to date someone is any more effective then asking a blind guy if these jeans make your butt look fat. I figure if I give terrible enough advice their finally stop coming.”