Unfiltered Story #190556

, | Unfiltered | March 23, 2020

(I work in a sub shop where customers can customize their own subs and watch it be made in front of them. It’s been a slow day until a customer in his mid-20s walks in holding something in his hand.)

Me: “Welcome to [shop]. What can I get for you?”
Customer: “Can I get turkey on Italian bread? Lettuce, pickles, cucumbers, tomatoes, extra hot peppers, and ranch.”
(I make his sub while he continues to make small talk about the weather, being polite the entire time. I wrap his sub and ask if I can get him anything else.)
Customer: “Yeah, let me get a ham on wheat bread. Lettuce and tomatoes, but instead of mayo can you put this on it?”
(In his hand is a urine sample cup from the doctor’s office, but instead of urine, the cup contains what looks like semen.)
Me: “What is that?”
Customer: “My c*m. Could you put it on in place of the mayo?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can do that.”
Customer: “Why not? My friend p*ssed me off, and I want to get back at him.”
Me: “It’s against health regulations. You’ll have to do it yourself outside.”
Customer: “D*mn, I didn’t want to unwrap it. Okay, make it and leave off the mayo. Do you have plastic knives?”
(I make the sub and point him towards the knives, unsure of how to handle the situation. I wrap it and ring him up while he finds a knife and tosses it into the bag.)
Customer: *paying* “Thanks, man. I can just go outside?”
Me: “Yes, sir, but I have to ask you not to come back in if you put that on your sub, and I have to advise you not to do it.”
Customer: “Don’t worry, I’ll tell him it’s my c*m and you guys had nothing to do with it. Ain’t nobody suing.”
(He thanks me and walks out. When I asked my manager about it later, he told me that I did the right thing by asking him to leave. I wonder what his friend did to deserve that.)