You’re His Number One Choice

(I am a vendor. As I work in my client retail stores, I find myself constantly explaining I am not a store employee and can’t ring people up, get their orders for them, etc. In this particular store, my work area is near the layaway desk and the restrooms. I am approached by an older man while I am filling helium balloons for my client.)

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “I don’t work for [Store], sir. Please push that button to page for help.”

Customer: “Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “I work for the balloon company. Please push the button.”

Customer: “I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME PEE!”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I need someone to watch my f****** cart while I use the men’s room!”

Me: *relieved* “Sure. Park it right over there. Nobody will bother it.”