You’re Her Favorite Squeeze

(My girlfriend has the habit of squeezing any spots containing ingrown hair. She tends to sneak up to do it, when I’m in the bathroom brushing my teeth or shaving.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, look at that, it’s gigantic!”

Me: *just leaving the shower, drying myself* “Thanks honey.”

Girlfriend: “I’ll just quickly…” *starts squeezing*

Me: *jumping surprised and almost falling* “STOP IT, WOMAN! Let me at least finish drying myself. Then I’m gonna lie down on the bed, and you can have all the fun you want.”

Girlfriend: “…”

Me: *realizing what I just said* “I meant squeezing whatever you want. Ah, I’m not making it better. I’ll just stop right here.”