His Secret Is Bigger Than Victoria’s

(My fiancé and I mutually decided to wait until after our wedding to be intimate. My fiancé had no experience in that department of any kind, so as a treat we went shopping together the week before our wedding so he could pick out a pair of lingerie for me.)

Me: *pointing to a pretty silky bra* “Ooh, look at that one! It’s so soft. I’d be petting myself the whole time I was wearing it.”

Fiancé: “Very pretty! I’d be petting myself, too!”

Me: *valiantly trying not to laugh, knowing he meant to say something else*

Fiancé: “What?”

Me: *repeats what he said*

(It took him a couple minutes to stop laughing at himself and tell me he meant to say ‘I’d be petting you, too.’)