Three Is A Crowd But Also Allowed

(It is February 13th. There is a customer staring at the Valentine’s cards. He is near tears. I am nearby waiting for my cousin who works here, and is my ride home.)

My Cousin: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “No, thanks. Wait… no. No.”

My Cousin: “Now that sounds like a cry for help. Talk to me; what’s wrong?”

Customer: *sadly and rather awkwardly, in lots of broken sentences* “I can’t… I… this couple. We’ve been having threesomes and I want to get them something. I love them. Both. So much. But they’re married, and they’re my best friends, and I don’t want to ruin everything.”

My Cousin: “How can a card ruin everything? You think telling people you’ve been having sex with that you love them will scare them off?”

Customer: “I… don’t want to presume.”

My Cousin: “Come on, you haven’t been standing here for a half hour because it’s a bad idea. You know what you want to do.”

(He nods slowly, and she helps him pick out a ‘to the woman I love’ and a ‘to the man I love’ cards. His hands shake the whole time he’s paying, and his knuckles are white around the little plastic bag as he leaves.)

Me: “Man, now the hot ones are, like, double taken.”

My Cousin: “I suddenly have a good feeling about the woman who was in here a few days ago buying a ‘for my husband’ and a ‘for my boyfriend.'”