The Zombie Apocalypse? I’ll Do It Later

(I have a coworker who is notoriously lazy around the office. Everything he does is slow and half-hearted. My coworkers and I are in the office the lazy coworker comes back late from lunch as usual.)

Lazy Coworker: “Something weird is going on outside.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Lazy Coworker: “Lots of weird people just shuffling around outside. And look! One of them bit me!”

(True to his word, the lazy coworker shows off a rather nasty bite mark on his hand.)

Me: “Ouch! Better get that looked at.”

(Suddenly the boss runs out of his office, panicked.)

Boss: “I just saw the news! The zombie apocalypse has started! Everyone save yourselves!”

(Everyone in the office then turns back to the lazy coworker, who is now scratching his bite mark.)

Lazy Coworker: “What?”

Boss: “He was bit? We have to kill him before he turns!”

Me: “Don’t worry; we have time.”

Boss: “What do you mean?”

Me: “He does everything slowly…”

(He finally turned… three weeks later.)