The Mother Of All Breakups

(My mom is helping me move out of my ex’s house and is in the process of telling me why I should not try to be friends with him.)

Mom: “I just don’t want you two to start dating and then you get your heart broken if you break up again.”

Me: “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Mom: “Why not?”

Me: “He’s already seeing someone else.”

(Mom goes silent for a bit and stares straight ahead. Finally she turns to me and says:)

Mom: “Well he better not run into me when I’m drunk.”