The Birds And The Bees Are Way Off Course

(I am a ten-year-old girl. My dad has decided it’s time for me to learn about the birds and the bees. I already know what he’s talking about from school, but I play along.)

Dad: “Now, erm, would you like me or your mother to tell you?”

Me: *evil grin* “You!”

Dad: “Um, okay. So what happens is that the male puts the penis in the woman’s vagina—”

Me: “Really?! Groooooss! That’s not they said in class!”

Dad: “What did they say in school?”

Me: “Like, the male squirting stuff into the woman like a squirt gun. And they showed pictures ‘n’ everything.”

Dad: *to Mom* “Dear! You take over now! I’m calling her school!”