The Biggest Noise Doesn’t Come From The Band

(I am a high school junior, in our school’s marching band. I play the trombone; therefore, I am often in the front of our block. Our drum major tells us this story as we’re focusing on our music, rather than what was happening in front of us at the time. We are not allowed to stop the parade under any circumstances unless the drum major signals it.)

Musicians: *starts marching and playing*

Crowd: *cheers and makes way for our band*

(We have gone for about 10 minutes now, and a woman comes from nowhere and stops in front of the band, texting on her cell phone. Trombones are ALWAYS in front of the band, and since we can’t stop, we hit her by accident.)

Woman: *gets hit by the slide* “You little f***! Watch where you’re going! How did your mother ever raise you like this?”

Security Guard: “MAKE WAY FOR THE PARADE BAND, MISS!”

Woman: “No. I was in the middle of something, and these teens are going to f****** pay for the damages they caused to my head and ears. Why do you allow them to f****** walk in the middle of the street where people need to walk, huh?!”

Security Guard: “STEP OFF THE STREET, OR ELSE WE WILL HAVE TO USE FORCE. PLEASE COMPLY!”

Woman: “I’ve had enough of this. These little f*** need to learn a little respect!” *swings purse at the nearest person*

(At this point, the drum major thought the security guard had taken care of the woman, and continued marching. The unlucky saxophone got knocked out, as the purse was rather heavy and it hit him in the temple, causing him to fall. By this point, the drum major saw what occurred and signaled us for “parade band halt.” The woman continued to try to hit people, until the security guards and police came and detained her. We learned that the saxophone was badly damaged and needed repairs, the person got a concussion and trip to the hospital, along with two other people that were hit in the face by the woman’s purse. The woman had to pay a hefty fine of $5000. Saxophones and tubas are expensive. She also earned herself three months in jail for assault, and anger management classes.)