(This takes place right after we return from winter break. I am the teacher in this story.)

Me: “All right, class, it’s a new year and a new semester so we are going to clean our desks out. On the board is a list of must keeps. Everything else can be taken home or recycled. I don’t want anything from the holidays left in your desk.”

(The students clean for a while and I start checking those who are done.)

Me: “All right, your desk looks nice but let’s take a look at what you have in your folders.”

Student #1: “You said to clean desks but not folders!”

Me: “Your folders are in your desk, so they are a part of your desk!”

Student #2: “Oh! So, do I have to get rid of all of the papers from August and Halloween, too, then?”

Me: “These are questions that cause your teacher to bang her head on the desk!”

(Although my crush and I have known each other for a few years, we don’t have any classes together and therefore don’t interact much. However, today he gets into the lunch line right after I do. After we talk for a while about our teachers and electives, I finally go sit down at my table. My friends immediately run over to me.)

Friend #1: “We saw you talking to [My Crush] in the lunch line!”

Friend #2: “What did you guys talk about?”

Friend #3: “ARE YOU PREGNANT YET?!”

(I have recently returned to school after being away many weeks due to my mom passing away. One day I’m walking down the hallway, talking to my friend when I suddenly hear my name called.)

Girl: “[My Name]!”

(My friend and I turn around to see a girl running up to us.)

Girl: “Hey, [My Name], how are you doing?”

Me: “Uh… good, I guess?”

Girl: “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for your loss. Your mom was an amazing woman.”

Me: “Oh, thanks.”

(Without another word the girl turns and walks away. My friend looks at me in confusion.)

Friend: “Who was that?”

(I frown.)

Me: “I have no idea.”

(I am talking to a friend about swimming styles.)

Me: “Yeah, I hate the butterfly style.”

Friend: “It’s so difficult, right?”

Me: “Yeah. Can’t do that. Uh, let’s see, what can I do? Oh, I know, I’m pretty good at doggy style!”

Friend: “Um … you mean the one that goes like this?” *paddles her hand a bit*

Me: “Yeah, that one. Doggy style!” *pause* “Wait, wait, I mean doggy paddle. I’m good at the doggy paddle!”

Friend: *starts to laugh* “Sure you did. You know what? I don’t wanna know any more!”

(I am studying abroad in Japan, and am taking a painting class. When I am unable to correctly use a paint stroke because I had been absent the class prior, I turn to the girl next to me, who has been using the stroke successfully.)

Me: “Hey, [Classmate], how do you get the stroke to look like that?”

Classmate: “Let me see what you’ve done so far…”

(I show her my paper.)

Classmate: “Are you even trying?!”