(I work at a preschool. The older toddlers are being potty-trained, and will receive a small reward (a sticker, one chocolate chip, one jelly bean, etc.) each time they “go.” Another teacher has given me a small bag of jelly beans, and I am sneaking a few. A sharp-eyed toddler has spotted the jelly beans in my hand.)

Toddler: “Have candy?”

Me: “Yeah. I went potty today.”

(Technically, not lying.)

(I’m with my toddler class taking a walk through the building, since we can’t go outside as it is raining. One of my little girls starts singing to herself.)

Girl: “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s gonna buy you a shopping bird.”

(I teach preschool part time in the three-year-old class. I’m sitting on the floor fitting together wooden train tracks when a little girl thrusts a bridge in my face.)

Girl: “Put this on next.”

Me: “Why don’t you try asking nicely and say please.”

Girl: “I don’t know that word.”

(I work aftercare at a school catering to children between two and six. I’m currently sitting with a three-year-old who is stringing beads.)

Three-Year-Old: “Are you going to be here on Wednesday?”

Me: “Next Wednesday?”

Three-Year-Old: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, it’s my spring break, so I’m going to be in New Jersey.”

Three-Year-Old: *aghast* “Wait, why are you going to New Jersey?”

Me: “Because that’s where my home is.”

Three-Year-Old: “…Oh.”

(Pause.)

Three-Year-Old: “…Can you speak New Jersey?”

(We are teaching our class of three and four year olds about fire safety. Specifically, stop, drop, and roll. One of the children gave us this gem:)

Me: “So, who knows what to do if your clothes are on fire?”

Student: “Spray it with water!”

Me: “But what if you don’t have any water?”

Student: “You’ll just burn!”