(I’m an assistant preschool teacher for two year olds, and while we do actually teach preschool for three and four year olds, the two-year-old program is more of a daycare. We’ve gone outside for recess, and one of the boys who is in the process of being potty-trained suddenly gets the urge to urinate, and pulls his pants down while we are outside. My co-teacher sees this, and doesn’t really know what to say, so she screams the first thing that comes to mind.)

Co-Teacher: “[Little Boy], PUT THAT BACK!”

(Before reading a story to my class of three year olds, I remind the kids to have “watching eyes” to see the pictures, “listening ears” to hear the story, and to sit still with “frozen” hands and feet. One little girl protested.)

Little Girl: “No! I wanna have Cinderella feet!”

(I work with three year olds. Today, I am planting cress with them. I explain to each child that if they leave their cress seeds somewhere sunny they will grow and the children will be able to put them on their sandwiches. This happens when a child is collected later in the day. ‘Butty’ is a colloquial term for a sandwich in some parts of the UK.)

Child: *to his mum* “Mum, look! If I put this in the sunshine it’ll grow into butties!”

Me: “Well, not quite…”

(I teach at a preschool, and I have the kids out on the playground.)

Parent: “Oh, it’s a bit windy out here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a little windier than I expected it to be, but it’s really not too bad.”

Parent: “Is it always this windy on the playground?”

Me: “Only when it’s a windy day…?”

(Parent, completely satisfied with my answer, picked up her child and left.)

(My brother is in preschool. He’s a smart kid with a large vocabulary. One day, he runs up to the teacher, a classmate behind him. The classmate is generally well-behaved kid.)

Brother: “Teacher, [Classmate] said the B-word!”

Classmate: “No, I didn’t!”

Brother: “Yes, you did.”

Teacher: “[Brother], are you sure [Classmate] said the B-word?”

Brother: *nodding* “Uh-huh!”

(The classmate continues to insist he didn’t while my brother insists he did. Finally…)

Teacher: “[Brother], whisper what [Classmate] said in my ear. I promise you won’t get in trouble.”

Brother: *whisper* “Boring…”

Teacher: “Thank you for being honest, [Brother]. I’ll take care of it.”