(I have very long braids that I usually wear down, because I do not know how to put them in a bun. A coworker has just helped me put the braids in a bun before I go into my classroom. I work with four- and five-year-olds.)

Class: “Ms.! I like your bum!”

(I teach at an English-language preschool. I have a French first name that some of the children find difficult to pronounce. One morning, a little girl hands me a drawing on which her mother has helped her write ‘Chocolate.’)

Mother: “is your name really Chocolate?”

Me: “No, it’s [My Name].” *to child* “But I do love chocolate, and I love this drawing, too. Thank you.”

Child: “I love you, too, Chocolate!”

(I’m around three years old, at my very first day of nursery.)

Teacher: *to my parents* “Usually, children find it a little difficult to get used to being away from home, so for the first week or so, we’ll start [My Name] just being here in the mornings, and build up to her staying for the full day.”

(My parents agree, and return to collect me at lunchtime. When they arrive, I am standing on top of a sofa, with my face painted, and a toy sword in one hand, looking out of the window and waving at them. As they get closer, they can hear what I’m shouting.)

Me: “Go away! I’m playing! Don’t wanna come home!”

(I am a preschool teacher. We have spent about a week learning about the holidays. A conversation about Christmas and Santa comes up during circle time.)

Student #1: “Miss, you’ve been a very good teacher this year. Santa will give you a good present.”

Me: “Thank you, [Student]. You’ve all—”

Student #2: “FOR THE LAST TIME, SANTA ISN’T REAL!”

(At this point, I’m expecting some of my younger students to cry. Another student decides to speak up.)

Student #3: “You only said that because you got coal and dog poop as presents last year.”

(I am leading our weekly preschool story-time. It is this boy’s first visit. He is three.)

Me: “Everyone stand up now. We’re going to sing ‘Wheels on the Bus.’ Put your arms out and make a circle.”

Boy: *stands still, arms out but not moving*

Me: “Come on, get your wheels going.” *I demonstrate the first motion*

Boy: “I have a flat tire.”