(Our office building has a shared conference room that is open to any of the businesses in the building to use. We usually hold morning meetings in there but today another company has reserved it. All of the employees of that company in the conference room happen to be either Indian or African-American and are all dressed in business casual. One of my coworkers arrives and goes to the conference room, notices it isn’t our employees in there, and comes to our office with a worried look on his face.)

Coworker: “Hey, man, did you notice there are a bunch of homeless people in the conference room?”

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(I’m having health and safety training with some of our cleaners. Someone in from the hospital is pompously teaching us about complicated-sounding diseases and chemicals, when the ‘Windows Update’ notification pops up in the corner. The trainer clicks on ‘postpone for five minutes’. Not surprisingly, it shows up five minutes later.)

Trainer: “That’s strange; I could’ve sworn I’d just gotten rid of that thing.” *clicks ‘postpone for five minutes again*

Trainer: *five minutes later* “Oh, it’s that silly thing again! Computers, tsk. They’re so annoying.” *clicks ‘postpone for five minutes’ again*

(We all look at each other, wondering whether to say something, but he’s started talking about medical things again. This repeats a few more times.)

Trainer: “Oh, this bloody thing! Why do I even need a computer to do this?! I have a PhD! Ok, I’m going for a smoke; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Cleaner: “I’m going to change that before I go insane.” *goes and changes it to ‘postpone for four hours’*

Trainer: *returns* “Oh! Oh, thank God, it seems to have gone on its own.”

(I am a younger, female design engineer working for a helicopter manufacturing company, and it sometimes seems like my assessments aren’t taken seriously. An older senior project engineer storms in, in a tizzy, to get information on one of my projects after he has a meeting with someone higher up the corporate ladder.)

Project Engineer: “I need to know the weight of this part… this plastic mount for the wire ties!”

Me: “It’s negligible, and we are only using one in my kit.”

Project Engineer: “You don’t understand! [Higher-up] wants an EXACT weight, and I need it immediately so I can get this guy off my back!”

Me: “Ok, give me a couple of minutes to find it.”

Project Engineer: “Thanks, I’ll be back in a few.”

(He runs out the door. I finally find the info he wants after 10 minutes of searching.)

Project Engineer: “Did you find it?”

Me: “Yes. The weight is 40.37 grams per 100 of them.”

Project Engineer: “Ok, so how much is that in pounds?” *gets paper and pen to write it down*

Me: *after quick calculation* “Point zero eight nine per hundred. One of them weighs point zero zero zero eight nine pounds… or a little over fourteen one-hundredths of an ounce…”

Project Engineer: *starts writing and repeating to himself under his breath* “Point zero zero zero—” *stops short and looks up* “…hahaha!” *drops pen* “Okay, I’ll just tell him it’s negligible. Thanks!”

(Our dentist’s last name sounds exactly like our veterinarian’s first name. There is a slight difference in spelling, but they sound identical: Name and Nayme. I am at work, multi-tasking, when my spouse emails to remind me to make an appointment with Dr. Name, the vet, for our cat’s rabies shot. In the middle of six different tasks with several deadlines looming, I grab the Rolodex, flipped to the “N” section, and dial the number.)

Receptionist: “Dr. Nayme’s office, how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] and I need an appointment to bring Colonel Snuggledorf in for his rabies shot.”

Receptionist: “I am very sorry, but Dr. Nayme doesn’t administer rabies shots. And I do not believe we have a patient by the name of Colonel Snuggledorf.”

(I suspect the poor woman dislocated a rib laughing after she hung up. And my dentist makes a point of telling me every time I visit that he still doesn’t give rabies shots!)

(I have a new colleague. From her first day, I had instructed her to check her predecessor’s email daily as the company’s general email is linked to that account. She apparently checks, but no emails are forwarded to the rest of the staff for our action. I go to her desk to find out why.)

Me: “[Colleague], may I see what new emails have come in?”

Colleague: “No new emails have come in since August. I’ve been checking.”

Me: “That’s more than a month ago. You should have raised this.”

Colleague: “But this is previous staff. They should not have emails coming in.”

Me: “Previous staff or not, their account is still active. Furthermore, the company’s general email is linked to this particular account and should have even junk mail coming in. You get junk mail, don’t you? So this account should get some junk mails at least.”

Colleague: “How should I know? I’m not IT-savvy.”

(I walked away before I gave in to temptation to say something truly nasty and unprofessional.)