(My coworker tried to warm up an egg in the microwave, not realising the egg would explode. We laughed about it and moved on. An hour later I realised something…)

Me: “Hey… hey, [Coworker]? Your egg… it eggsploded.”

(We’re a small IT service provider. While we have no hardware in store, we write down customer orders and place an order once enough has accumulated.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I need a new monitor.”

Me: “No problem. Any specific requests?”

Customer: “I need it to replace my secondary monitor. That’s still a narrow one.”

Me: *knowing the customer actually has a 16:9 and a 4:3 monitor at his computer, he once said he’ll use the latter until it breaks* “All right. So the old one is finally broken?”

Customer: “No, it works fine. But I need a wider one. The narrow one became too small and no longer shows all the symbols on my desktop. Or… can I plug in a third monitor? That would give me even more room.”

(I am working in a permanent position but have recently been searching for another job. I get a call from a recruiter for Company #2.)

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking.”

Recruiter: “We have a job opening. Are you interested?”

Me: “Sure.”

Recruiter: “It is permanent position with [Company #2] and you have to work with the client [My Recent Company]. Are you interested?”

Me: “So you want me to work with [My Recent Company] as a vendor where I work as a full-time employer!”

Recruiter: *pause* “Okay, thanks for your time.”

Caller: “Hello, I am a travel planner looking for some information for a client of mine and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Me: “I certainly can. What information do you need?”

Caller: “Do you know where they might hold Mardi Gras celebrations?”

(This throws me off a bit, as Mardi Gras isn’t a big thing around here at all, and anyway it had already happened the week before.)

Me: “I don’t see anything on our events calendar. Since Mardi Gras already happened I don’t think we’d see any events until next year, and our members don’t usually plan them so far ahead.”

Caller: *confused, but still pleasant* “All right. Also… do you know of any Cajun churches?”

Me: “Er… we don’t have a huge Cajun culture around here. We do have a significant Gullah Geechee community, but they don’t really have churches that are open to visitors.”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “Did I call [My City]?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “I meant to call New Orleans. I am so sorry.”

(We had a good laugh and I was able to give her some information about the city I actually work for. Still one of the best calls I’ve ever gotten.)

(We have just ‘gone live’ with our new product, so our team is having to sort out work hours for the next couple of weeks while we get used to dealing with customers calling in. Until now, hours have been pretty chill — as long as you work your standard eight sometime between regular work hours, it doesn’t really matter when you start and finish your work day. Now, we’re having to be a bit more structured, just until we get some more employees. This conversation happened at the first meeting to discuss the hours.)

Team Lead: “Okay, guys, are there any times that you can’t work?”

Coworker #1: “I’d prefer the early starts.”

Me: “I need to finish at about 4:30 on [Day #1], [Day #2], and [Day #3], as I have a class that I need to get to. That said, I’m happy to work until 5:30 on the other two days, no issue.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, man, I’m not bothered at all; put me wherever. It’s really not a problem. I’m totally cool.”

Team Lead: “Excellent, so [Coworker #1], you can be on earlies, [My Name], if you can do the lates on those two days when you don’t have a class, and [Coworker #2], if you can do the lates on the days that [My Name] can’t, we should be away.”

Coworker #2: “Okay… Well, um, will [Coworker #1] and I be switching around on a weekly basis so that I can finish early some days as well? Because that’s not really, you know… I mean, me working the lates all the time.”

Me: “But you said you didn’t mind! And one of my days to work the late is Friday, your big party night, so what’s the problem?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, nothing. I really don’t care. It’s just… yeah, will we be on a rotation or something?”

(This carries on for about five minutes: Coworker #2 insisting he doesn’t care, but at the same time making it blatantly obvious that he doesn’t want to do the ‘late’ shift, which is not that late.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, for f*** sake, [Coworker #2]. We can switch it out. Relax. Stop worrying about it. We’ll sort things out. Jesus.”

(He then walked out. He’s generally a pretty chill guy, but this was clearly too much.)