(I am in class when this announcement is made…)
Announcement: “Teachers, if you are having trouble accessing your e-mail, please e-mail [Staff Member] for help.”
Teacher: “How?!”
(In science, I sit next to a girl who really dislikes me because of my habit of being overly analytical, or as she calls it, “sucking the vibe out of things.” Our table is working to make landing gear for a marshmallow in a cup.)
Me: “Guys, that isn’t going to hold up. That’s not how physics works.”
Girl: “Oh, my God, this is seventh grade! Don’t bring physics into this; we haven’t even gotten there yet!
Me: “You do realize that physics is what lets you go down a slide, right?”
Girl: *stares* “You’re no fun.”
(The best part? We had done physics earlier in the year.)
(I dress pretty average, not in any particular clique’s style, and I am a teacher’s pet. One day, I bought fake piercings—a couple false hoops, and a stud that is magnetized. I excitedly decided to put them ALL on: hoop in my nose, hoop on my eyebrow and make the stud into a labret piercing. I went to science class and sat down, the teacher not quite paying attention.)
Teacher: “And here are last week’s tests…”
(He starts passing them out and is about to hand me mine, when he looks up and freezes, staring at me.)
Teacher: “Um.”
(Realizing why he is staring, I smile and very slowly pull out the fake nose ring.)
Me: “They’re fake.”
Teacher: “Oh, thank god, [My Name].”
Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!
(My best friend in junior high is also the class clown:)
Friend: *raises hand* “Can I ask a question?”
Teacher: “Yes, [Friend].”
Friend: “That was my question.”
Teacher: *sigh*
(Eventually the teachers wise up and it changes a little:)
Friend: *raises hand* “Can I ask a question?”
Teacher: “No.”
Friend: “Too late.”
(I was born with a neurological condition called hydrocephalus – “water on the brain.” Basically, I have too much fluid in my brain, so I have a surgical drainage tube (shunt) implanted which drains the excess fluid into my abdomen. My junior high school decides to do scoliosis testing on the students. This involves stripping down to my underwear so the testers can examine my spine. As a result of my shunt placements, I have surgical scars on my head, neck, and lower abdomen. One of the testers sees my abdominal scar:)
Tester: “What it was from?”
Me: “Brain surgery.”
