(My partner and I are laying in bed talking and laughing. I accidentally snort while giggling.)
Me: “Well, that was embarrassing.”
Boyfriend: *laughing* “It’s ok, Pumba.”
Me: “Did you seriously just call me a smelly, fat warthog?”
Boyfriend: *singing* “Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase! Hakuna Matata, ain’t no passing craze…”
Me: *interrupting* “You keep calling me Pumba, and you’ll have some worries when I bring on the end of your days.”
(My wife and I are in the kitchen organising our large tea collection. My wife is reading out names to me while I enter them into our spreadsheet.)
Me: “Okay, next?”
Wife: “Forever—”
Me: *interrupting* “Huh?”
Wife: “Forever—”
Me: *now just being a jerk* “What was that?”
Wife: “Forever—”
Me: “Interrupting sheep!”
Wife: “MOOOOO!”
Me: “Moo?”
Wife: “MOO!”
Me: “Gender-confused interrupting sheep!”
Wife: “Gender? Confused sheep now come in sheep and cow.”
Me: “MOOOOO!”
(My brothers and I tend to tease each other any chance we get. We’re all having dinner at our parents’ house. My mom is describing something funny the new puppy has done.)
Me: “You know, I read online about this dog intelligence test—”
Brother: *without skipping a beat* “Did you pass?”
(My girlfriend has just come to visit from her college. I make brownies in preparation for her arrival, but I forget to check if the brownies are properly baked.)
Girlfriend: “Ooh, I smell chocolate.”
Me: “Yep, I made brownies!”
Girlfriend: “Aww, that’s so sweet!”
Me: “I think they should have cooled off by now.”
(She goes into the kitchen, and I follow her. She tries to remove a brownie from the pan and the brownie collapses, leaking chocolate.)
Me: “Oopsie.”
Girlfriend: “Are brownies supposed to ooze?”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to check them before you got here.”
Girlfriend: “Even if you made chocolate lava cake by accident, that was very sweet of you.”
Me: “Are you going to eat it?”
Girlfriend: “Sure, why not? I mean, when am I going to be able to drink a brownie?”
Me: “Mom, do I have a bruise on my side?”
Mom: “No, why?”
Me: “I was talking to my boyfriend and walking backwards, and walked right into his side mirror.”
Mom: “You know you can’t do that! Walking and talking is a no-no for you!”
