(I have lost my wireless mouse under my bed, and I can’t reach it myself.)

Me: “Hey, can you help me? I lost my mouse.”

Younger brother: “Sure.”

(He attempts to reach it.)

Younger brother: “My arms are too short. Get me a coat hanger.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I get the coat hanger. A few minutes later…)

Me: “Any luck?”

*extended pause*

Younger brother: “I lost the coat hanger.”

Me: “Okay, do you remember the names of the planets?”

4-year-old: “Saturn, Mars, Jupiter, July, August, September!”

(My 4-year-old son is explaining the justice system.)

4-year-old Son: “Court is where there’s a judge, and a guy who says, ‘He took my things!’. And another guy who says, ‘No, he took my things!’ And the judge says, ‘Okay, stop arguing and I’m going to show you how to play golf!’”

(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed after a long night of heavy drinking with our college buddies. My boyfriend is half-way passed out and speaking to a body pillow.)

Boyfriend: “Hey there, you come here often? Squeeze!” *squeezes the pillow’s non-existent boob*

Me: “I’m pretty sure it is time for sleep when you start hitting on pillows when there is a real girl in your bed!”

(My hair is a mousy brown colour, but it sometimes looks reddish in the sun. This is the first time in a few years that my hair has been long enough for the colour to bother me.)

Me: “I feel like dying my hair. I’m bored of this colour.”

Husband: “Well, what colour would you dye it?”

Me: “Well, I don’t want it too dark. I’d like a light brown, with some red in it, like an auburn sort of colour.”

Husband: “But, that’s what you have now!”

Me: “I know, I just want it…better.”

Husband: “So, you basically want to up your contrast? I don’t think real life has Photoshop sliders like that!”