(I am a pre-teen voracious reader, and have a huge vocabulary. However, don’t always understand common phrases, or I break them down to get an incorrect meaning. She is on the phone with a friend describing someone she knows.)
Mom: *on phone to friend* “She’s just so anal retentive!”
Me: *to my mom* “She’s… constipated?”
(My friend, my sister and I are babysitting my sister and her sister-in-law’s kids. We find that it helps to keep them busy by making up stories. There is a little paper box sitting on the table, and to keep them from opening it we tell them that is where we keep my friend’s soul. A couple of weeks pass by.)
Youngest Niece: “Hey Booboo, look at this box!”
(Note: “Booboo” is what my nieces call my mom.)
Mom: “Aw, it’s so cute… what’s in it?” *proceeds to open box*
Youngest Niece: *starts crying* “Nooo! Gina’s soul was in there!”
Mom: “What?!”
(I’m at home when the phone rings.)
Me: “Hello?”
Mum: “What are you doing there?”
Me: “I live here, Mum.”
Mum: “But I dialled [my brother’s] number.”
Me: “No, you dialled mine.”
Mum: “Are you sure?”
Me: *looks around* “Let’s see. Messy room, two small kids, hubby watching sports. Yes, definitely my house.”
Mum: “Well, I don’t need to talk to you today.” *hangs up*
Me: “Oooookaaay.”
Husband: “That was your mum, wasn’t it?”
Me: “Yes.”
Husband: “Still nuttier than squirrel poo, then?”
Me: “Yes.”
(My boyfriend is just about to go away for a weekend.)
Me: “I’ll miss you.”
Boyfriend: “I’ll… well, I will be probably be too busy during the day to miss you.”
(I look shocked and sad.)
Boyfriend: “But I’ll miss you when I’m sleeping!”
(I’ve been dating this guy for quite a while. We’ve both have had some bad relationships in the past, so we’re taking things very slowly and have not yet had the “girlfriend/boyfriend talk. He’s got food poisoning, and has been sick all night. I’ve decided to let him sleep in. By noon, I go to check on him.)
Me: “Hi babe, are you awake? How are you feeling?”
Him: “Not too good. My tummy’s all gurgly, and my head is all bangy, and everything is just hurty.”
Me: “Aw, poor you.”
(I sit down next to him in bed and starts stroking his stomach.)
Him: “You are so sweet, taking care of me when I’m all sick and whiney. You’re the best girlfriend ev… ooh!”
Me: “Oh, so now I’m the girlfriend?”
Him: “Well, you witnessed me throwing up all night and yet you’re still here in the morning. I figure that has to be the ultimate criteria?”
(I guess it was, we’ve been together ever since!)
