(I work at a popular national home improvement store, and started out as a temporary cashier. This was a particularly busy Sunday afternoon and, as usual, we were short-staffed for cashiers. A customer comes up to me and asks me to page a lot loader to help her load mulch. I do and the lot loader calls me on the register phone and tells me that he’ll help the customer when he’s done loading another customer. Later, the customer comes back with her mulch inside a large wheelbarrow as well as other items inside of it.)

Me: “Got everything you need?”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m not happy. The loader never showed up to help me. I had to use this because there’s no flat carts left!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, there are carts under the annuals and perennials tables—”

Customer: “There weren’t any when I needed them!”

Me: “Well, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll call the lot loader again and get him to help load the wheelbarrow and the rest of your purchase.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Didn’t you hear me? There weren’t any flat carts left. I don’t want this. I’m not paying for it.”

Me: “All right, then. I’ll grab a flat cart and I’ll just put your items on there and—”

Customer: “Why? It’s already in here. Just ring me up.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re not going to buy the wheelbarrow, you can’t take it out of the store. That’s why I offered to get a flat cart to—”

Customer: *throws her hands up* “Just ring me up! I’ll bring the d*** wheelbarrow back.”

(The customer continues to ramble as I ring her up. I call an associate, but tells me he’s busy with another customer. I explained my concern over the fact that the customer could steal a $200 wheelbarrow. Since the customer was urgent to leave and another cashier had come to relieve me for a break. I told the customer I would load her purchase for her. She led me to her mini-van and opened the back door. She had bought an iron rod used for hanging plants which sat on top of the pile of mulch. I placed it at the far side of the wheelbarrow so that I could load her mulch. Just as I load the first bag—with my back to the wheelbarrow—I hear a loud clang.)

Customer: “Ow!” *holds her right ankle*

Me: “Are you okay? What happened?”

Customer: “The iron rod fell on me. I’m sorry. I have a low tolerance for pain. That really hurt.” *heavy tears begin to well up in her eyes*

(I pick up the iron rod and scratch my head, perplexed at how it could’ve fallen when I put it out of the way. At this point, my coworker comes and finishes loading the customer’s purchase and lets her fill out an incident report. I continue working, but the assistant manager calls me into his office. Note: this manager is the asset protection manager.)

Manager: “Hey, do you mind filling out the incident form?”

Me: “Sure. Is the customer okay? She was crying pretty bad.”

Manager: “She has a small bruise on her ankle, but she’s claiming that you dropped it on her.”

Me: *staring, stunned* “Are you serious? After going to the whole trouble of helping her load her purchase? I didn’t want her to steal that wheelbarrow!”

Manager: “Oh, I know. I checked the cameras that survey the parking lot. She dropped it on herself.”

Me: “…seriously?”

Manager: “Hey, you have no idea how far some people will go.”

(Now that customer goes out of her way to let me ring her up. I’ve since been promoted to a higher ranking position, but I steer clear of her to make sure she can’t drop anything else on herself and blame me again.)

(My husband and I are trying to find some young weeping willow trees to plant in a soggy part of our property. We only found one tree after driving to several different stores and nurseries, so we begin calling other places while we drive, to try to save ourselves some miles. I call the large home improvement chain store a few towns over.)

Employee: “Hello. What can I help you with today?”

Me: “I was just looking to see what you have in stock for trees. Specifically, we’re looking for two weeping willow trees.”

Employee: “Hmm, we might have some.”

Me: “Can you please check? We want to make sure there are some in stock before we drive over there.”

Employee: “Well, I can look online to see what we have in stock.”

Me: “….You can’t just go look at what you have in the garden center for sale?”

Employee: “Oh, yeah! Well, I can’t look now, but how about I go look and then call you right back?”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine.”

(I leave my name and number. He finally calls me back, after about half an hour.)

Employee: “Hi there. You called about some trees?”

Me: “Yes, I did. What did you find out?”

Employee: “Well, I checked, and we have five willow trees in stock.”

Me: “Great! We’re actually on the road right now so we can be right over.”

Employee: “Okay, do you want me to set some aside for you? Our trees seem to be selling pretty fast lately.”

Me: “Oh, that would be very helpful. We’d like two, preferably the tallest, healthiest looking ones you’ve got left.”

Employee: “Absolutely. These ones are dead, just so you know.”

Me: “Wait, what? The trees are dead?”

Employee: “Yeah, looks like no one watered them for a while, so they’re dead.”

Me: “Oh. Well, dead weeping willows won’t do us much good, will they?”

Employee: “Maybe not. And these are corkscrew willows, if that makes a difference to you. So, I’ll just set aside two for you to pick up when you get here?”

Me: “…”

(As a female cashier at a large home improvement store, I’m sad to say that I get a lot of patronizing and crude customers. This particular gentleman is perfectly normal until…)

Customer: “So you’re in school, aren’t you? What are you majoring in? Besides

boys?”

(He winks and leers at me.)

Me: *deadpan* “Psychology, and I’m gay.”

Customer: “So… you’re happy, then.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “‘Gay’ means ‘happy.'”

Me: “I’m attracted to women, sir.”

Customer: “…oh.”

(He didn’t look me in the eye for the rest of the transaction.)

(I am a cashier at a home improvement retail store, and an old lady comes up to my till holding a few cleaning supplies.)

Me: Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $17.36. Will that be on your store credit card?”

Customer: *no answer, inserts card into reader and enters pin*

Me: *hands her her receipt* “Thanks a lot! Have a good day!”

Customer: “D*** kids! You could have at least said something. Isn’t it your job to make conversation with the customer? So rude!”

Me: “I did. I asked you how you were doing, I asked if your purchase will be on our credit card, and I hoped you have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? I’m as deaf as anything!”

Me: *getting annoyed because of the lineup forming behind her* “You just heard what I said, ma’am. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, I never! I’m going to get your rude a** fired!”

Me: All right. You have a nice day, too.

(The next customer walks up.)

Next Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could charge me for a pack of toilet paper? That lady spread BS all over here.”

(I am working as a cashier. A customer comes up with a large order, which I ring up.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $2000.”

(The customer swipes his card and enters his account information and pin. It’s declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! I have lots of money in this account! Try it again!”

(I try it again. Again it’s declined.)

Me: “Did you mean to hit chequing? If you meant to use your savings account, that could be why it’s declined.”

Customer: “No, I only use my chequing account!”

Me: “Well, do you have a daily limit? Some banks have that set up, so you can only spend a certain amount each day.”

Customer: “Yes, I have a $500 daily limit.”

Me: “This transaction is for $2000, sir. That’s a lot more than $500.”

Customer: “But I haven’t used this card in three days!”

Me: “It’s a DAILY limit. It resets every day.”

(I didn’t feel like explaining that, even if it was cumulative, that still wouldn’t have equaled $2000.)