(I am a chemistry teacher. It is near the end of the course, and I am about to introduce stoichiometry to the class, so I write the word on the board and underline it.)
Student: “Mr. [My Name], why’d you misspell ‘chemistry?'”
Me: *dumbfounded*
(I’m fairly new at this school, and trying to make new friends. A girl I went to grade school with has introduced me to two guy friends of hers, who haven’t hung out with each other much before this.)
Guy #1: *to Guy #2* “So you’re Hispanic, right? Are you from Mexico, or Puerto Rico?”
Guy #2: “I’m Palestinian.”
Friend: *looking at Guy #1* “Really?”
Guy #1: “That’s the same thing as Israel, right?”
Guy #2: “No. No, it’s not.”
Me: “Seriously? How’d you get this far in school without knowing the difference?”
Guy #1: “They’re right next to each other! They’re practically the same thing!”
(We all get up and move to a different table than Guy #1.)
Guy #1: “Wait, what did I do?”
(My class is on a field trip to a West Virginian university. My English teacher and ten students are in a monorail cart. It starts to move and pick up speed.)
Teacher: “I’ve always wanted to try this.”
Me: “Try what?”
(He thrusts his fist out toward the ceiling as the cart moves faster.)
Teacher: “TO INFINITY!”
Everyone: *in perfect unison* “AND BEYOND!”
(Best part of the trip.)
(We are in an assembly being briefed by our coordinators about the upcoming formal: the expectations of the students, security, etc. The usual stuff.)
Student: “Will security be doing any breath tests before entry?”
Coordinator #1: “I don’t know. The security comes with the hotel booking; it’s up to them. My advice is to not drink or take drugs at all. That way you don’t have to worry.”
Coordinator #2: *chimes in* “Yeah, that stuff’s for the after parties anyway.”
(After about a half second of silence, the entire assembly, teachers included, cracks up laughing after what Coordinator #2 just said sinks it. Coordinator #1 has a look of absolute surprise and shock.)
Coordinator #2: “Oh, god, did I just say that out loud?”
(It is the start of my first year at high school, and our teacher does not know our names yet. She has just offended one of my Asian classmates, but she apologises, saying it won’t happen again.)
Teacher: “Anyway, back to the question I originally said. Anyone know the answer?”
(No one answers. The professor points in the direction of the desk in which another one of my Asian classmates sit.)
Professor: “Okay, so, what about you, yellow guy?”
(The whole class looks at her with disbelief.)
Asian Classmate: “Pardon me?”
(The professor looks dumbfounded for a moment before realising the misunderstanding that has happened and bursting into laughter.)
Professor: “Sorry, sorry, I meant the guy in the yellow shirt in the desk behind you.”
(The class joined in on the laugh, and we finished the period on a happy note.)
