(Our English teacher stands at the front of the class and lets us know she is about to pass out our grade reports.)

Student #1: “I don’t care about my grade.”

Teacher: “But your parents do.”

Student #1: “I know…”

Student #2: “Oh, did your parents call her?”

Student #1: “No, they emailed her.”

Student #3: “Miss! Miss! Did my dad call you?!”

Teacher: “No, he didn’t.”

Student #3: “Oh, good. He’s in jail, so he can’t call.”

Teacher: “…”

Student #3: “I’m just kidding! He got released last week.”

(Teacher is us driving to a two day yearbook convention. There are about five girls and one boy.)

Teacher: “Okay, when we get to the hotel, you guys will have two rooms for all of you. I suppose [Boy] should get his own room, but I don’t really care who sleeps where.”

(Awkward silence as the teacher realizes what she just implied.)

Teacher: “Never mind. I never said that.”

(I’m by the science lab, and I overhear my form tutor and English teacher having a heated discussion about a person with my name. Apparently, this person has been committing a lot punishable offenses. This scares and confuses me at the same time, since I know I haven’t been doing any of these things, and I’m quite a taciturn loner. It doesn’t register with me that they could be talking about my classmate, who also shares the same name. We’re in maths, when both teachers enter halfway through.)

English Teacher: “Where’s Peter?”

(Silence from the whole class. I start getting nervous, since this has been eating up at me.)

Science Teacher: “Where’s Peter?”

Me: *standing up* “I didn’t do ANY of the things you’re here about! Smoking is NOT in my repertoire, neither is drinking, or skipping class!”

(Shocked silence from everyone.)

English Teacher: *slowly* “We’re here about [Other Peter]. Not you.”

Me: *blinking* “Oh. Then he’s hiding under that desk.”

(We are in a year-12 biology class. The teacher is telling us about how jellyfish are not one organism, but each tentacle is a separate organism.)

Student: “Does that mean jellyfish reproduce asexually?”

Teacher: “Jellyfish have a unique and interesting reproductive cycle, in which they sit on a rock and a tree grows out of their butt.”

(I am a chemistry teacher. It is near the end of the course, and I am about to introduce stoichiometry to the class, so I write the word on the board and underline it.)

Student: “Mr. [My Name], why’d you misspell ‘chemistry?'”

Me: *dumbfounded*