(My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

(My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

(The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

(The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

(I go to a specific gas station almost every day because I like their prices, coffee, and staff. Today, five of their gas pumps are all down at once, causing a huge line of cars.)

Me: “Is everything okay? I noticed a lot of gas pumps with the ‘out of order’ bag over them.”

Cashier #1: “Gee, I don’t know. There’s a HUGE gas truck out in the parking lot, and several pumps are down. Hmmm…”

(I notice she’s being overly sarcastic, as if the answer is obvious.)

Cashier #1: “Maybe it’s because we’re low on gas and people swarm here and guzzle it all down? Did you ever think of that?! UGH!”

(She leaves to go have a cigarette, and I turn to the other cashier.)

Me: “Long morning?”

Cashier #2: “You have NO idea!”

(A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “…Yes?”

Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

(She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

(Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

Customer: “HELLO?”

(The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

Me: “Okay?”

Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.'”

(I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”