(I am serving two customer, who are talking amongst themselves.)

Customer #1: “You off on holiday then?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, off to France. Need to get my money!”

Customer #1: “What do they use in France anyways?”

Me: *having overheard* “They use the Euro over there, madam.”

Customer #1: “Nah, they don’t! France ain’t in Europe! It’s just across the Channel!”

(Folkestone is a port on the English Channel separating the UK and France, and is just 26 miles away from the French town of Calais!)

(The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

(I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

(I hand her the five cents.)

Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

(Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)

(I’m at the gas station late at night with my sister. I decide to buy a lottery ticket.)

Me: “Hi. I’d like [lottery ticket].”

Employee: “Here you go!”

Sister: *teasing* “Aren’t you going to card her?”

Employee: *looks at me* “Do you want me to card you?”

Me: “No. I don’t have my I.D.”

Employee: “Alright! Enjoy your ticket!”

(My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

(My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

(The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

(The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

(I go to a specific gas station almost every day because I like their prices, coffee, and staff. Today, five of their gas pumps are all down at once, causing a huge line of cars.)

Me: “Is everything okay? I noticed a lot of gas pumps with the ‘out of order’ bag over them.”

Cashier #1: “Gee, I don’t know. There’s a HUGE gas truck out in the parking lot, and several pumps are down. Hmmm…”

(I notice she’s being overly sarcastic, as if the answer is obvious.)

Cashier #1: “Maybe it’s because we’re low on gas and people swarm here and guzzle it all down? Did you ever think of that?! UGH!”

(She leaves to go have a cigarette, and I turn to the other cashier.)

Me: “Long morning?”

Cashier #2: “You have NO idea!”