(My sister and I are grocery shopping. We are rather musically natured, always singing or whistling or humming. We are whistling a harmonizing song from the 50s. Out of nowhere, this older fellow walks up with his cart and says, very patronizingly:)

Old Man: “Whistling girls and crowing hens always come to some bad ends.”

(My sister and I were so shocked by his rudeness that at first we don’t say anything. Then we both look him square in the eye and begin to whistle a complicated aria from an opera. Then, my sister announces loudly:)

Sister: “Men who sneer and condescend will meet a more unpleasant end.”

(My sister and her fiancé work together. He goes by his first name at work.)

Workmate: “Hi, [Sister]. How did your date with [First Name] go? Did you have fun?”

Sister: “Yes, it was great. [First Name] took me to the beach.”

Workmate: “You and [First Name] are great together.”

(They said their goodbyes and we leave.)

Mum: “Who the h*** is [First name]? What about [Second Name]? Have you changed your mind?”

Sister: *laughing* “No, Mum. [Second Name] is [First Name].”

Mum:  “Why? Is he hiding from someone?”

Sister:  “He was named after his father and grandfather. They use his second name at home to stop confusion.”

Mum:  “Okay, I understand. It would have caused confusion in our family, too, seeing as your father has the same first name.”

(This happened a few years ago when I was shopping in a department store. I go to buy a sweater that has the price clearly marked on it. I take it to the till but it does not scan when the cashier scans it.)

Cashier: “This item is not scanning; let me call someone to do a price check.”

Me: “The price is right on the tag here. It says [price].”

Cashier: “Sorry, but we need to scan it in order to make the price go through the till.”

(Another employee comes over and I explain what’s going on.)

Employee #2: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back tomorrow after we get it into our system?”

(I am a little puzzled as to why this is necessary, but decide to agree with them and come back the next day. Sure enough, I come back the very next day to buy it, and again it doesn’t scan.)

Cashier: “I need a price check on this item!”

Me: “Seriously? I came here to buy this exact same item last night, and I was told to come back today because the item wasn’t scanning and you needed a day to put in in your system!”

Cashier: “Sorry, but we can’t sell the item if it’s not scanning.”

Me: “Can you get a manager, please?”

(A manager comes over and I explain the situation to her.)

Manager: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back another day so we can get it in our system?”

Me: “Okay, let me get this straight… You have this item on your sales floor to sell, with the price RIGHT ON THE TAG, and you’re telling me you can’t sell it to me because it doesn’t scan? Not to mention I was told last night to come back again so you could get it in your system? May I ask why this item is even on your sales floor to be sold if people aren’t even able to buy it?”

(At that moment, the till over from me called for a price check on an item… Guess what that person was buying?)

(Every winter my store offers a rewards program for store credit card holders. The program is heavily advertised, especially at the cash wrap. Regardless, this exchange happens at least once a day.)

Me: “I see you’re paying with your [Store credit card]. Have you already enrolled in [rewards program]?”

Customer: *hostile* “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a rewards program that—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want anything to do with that!”

Me: “Okay, your total will be—”

Customer: *suspiciously eyeing rewards program advertisement* “What’s this 10% thing? I want 10%!”

Me: “That’s [rewards program]. That—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want it!”

(At six o’clock in the morning I have just arrived at my job selling cameras for an electronics/appliances store. A woman comes in, wearing either a pink track suit or her pajamas, I am not sure which.)

Customer: *waving the store flyer at me* “I want to buy this special package! The one with a camera body and two lenses for $500!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll start getting those things for you.”

(I went about, gathering the individual items from stock. When I total it all up, the bill is over $650.)

Customer: “This is too much! This ad says it is $500!”

Me: *turn to the supervisor* “This bundle isn’t adding up the way the flyer says it should. What’s up?”

(The supervisor looks at the bill on the computer, then at the flyer, and explains.)

Supervisor: “This is a special package deal the manufacturer sent us. It has two lower-quality lenses and a camera body in one box. We only got six of those packages and they sold out hours ago.”

Customer: “This says two lenses and a camera for $500! I want it for this price, not $650!”

(The supervisor calls the shift manager, who is a woman not easily swayed and not one to be trifled with. She explains the situation to the customer again. The two of them try to talk sense into the customer while I quietly withdraw and look for something else to do, hoping I don’t get drawn back into the fray. Eventually, the customer gets the message, or so I think.)

Customer: “I don’t care what you say. I want this package at this price. If you won’t sell it to me, I’m leaving and I’m not coming back, ever again!”

(Then she storms off to another part of the store. I think she is gone for good, so I put the items back on the shelves. I just finish when the woman in the pink pajamas comes back.)

Customer: “I have decided. I am going to teach this store a lesson! I am going to buy all those things, and then I will go to customer service and return them!”

Me: “Madam, please don’t involve me in your revenge.”

(With no other choice I get her order together again and this time, she lets me ring it up. She swipes her credit card while I put all the boxes in a bag. Then, true to her word, she stomps straight to customer service. After she’s gone, I ask the supervisor:)

Me: “If I have another customer like that, do I have to put up with her, or can I just tell her to get lost?”

Supervisor: “Just put up with it and ring her up. She’s not ‘hurting’ anyone but herself and her credit rating. Everyone from you to the credit card company will know she’s an idiot.”

(I had to grin at that and went through the rest of my hectic day with a smile.)