(I work in the photo processing department of a large retailer. A customer comes in and starts thumbing through the 2×2″ square frames suitable for passport photos, etc. displayed on the processing counter.)

Customer: *abruptly* “Excuse me, can you print photos at this size?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the smallest square size the printer will allow us to produce is 5×5″ – that paper is the smallest paper we have available.”

Customer: “Well, what good is that? This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s disgusting; this is false and misleading advertising! How dare you stock a product if you won’t stock the supplementary parts!”

Me: “Using that same flawed logic, ma’am, you could argue that it’s false and misleading advertising insofar as we stock baby car-seats, but not cars – or babies!”

(Customer blinked, stared blankly, and then stormed off.)

This story is part of our Flawed Customer Logic roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!

(A woman and her small child are walking through the men’s department.)

Kid: “Are we allowed to be in here?”

Woman: “Of course we are! Men don’t buy their own clothes anyway!”

(A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

Me: “Is this a return?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

(I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Free food!”

(My 17-year-old pregnant friend and I are chatting.)

Me: “When my mom was pregnant with me one of her ovaries burst.”

Girl: “How did she survive?!”

Me: “Well,  they had to take her into surgery and get it out. And they had to be careful ‘cause, you know, they could have killed me.”

Girl: “But that happened to my friend’s uncle and he didn’t make it.”

Me: “…Your friend’s uncle’s ovary burst?”

Girl: “Yeah.”

Me: “Your friend’s UNCLE’S ovary burst?!”

Girl: “Yeah!”

Me: *pinches the bridge of my nose and takes a deep breath* “Okay. You’re pregnant. You DO realize only women have ovaries, don’t you?”

Girl: “I thought women had tubes.”

Me: “What do you think they’re connected to?”

(I am getting married next summer. My mum and I happen to see some very cheap bridesmaids dresses in a department store, which come in the right colour. However they don’t have the right size for my future sister in law, so my mum orders one to a store closer to where I live. Unfortunately, when the email comes to say it has arrived, it also states the person collecting it needs to bring the credit card used to order. Since my mum is unable to travel to Birmingham to collect, she rings up to see if I can collect instead.)

Employee: “Hello. Cook shop!”

Mum: “Oh, sorry. I was given this number for [Department Store].”

Employee: “Yes, this is the cook shop.”

Mum: “I meant to ring through to order collection.”

Employee: *sigh* “Yes, they are always giving out the cook shop number instead.”

Mum: “Right, well could you possibly transfer me?”

Employee: “No, we can’t do that. Every department has their own number.”

Mum: “Well could I have their number then?”

Employee: “No. I don’t know anyone else’s number.”

Mum: “Well how can I speak to them? Could you fetch someone?”

Employee: “It’s not my problem. They always give out our number.”

(Eventually she got him to get a manager, who said that as long as I brought the order number and an ID it would be fine. When I arrived to collect the dress the collection point was about 10 yards from the cook shop till, and the same staff were covering both counters. I have no idea why that employee seemed to think he couldn’t help!)