(The convenience store I work at also has a deli and does specialty drinks like lattes and the like.)

Customer: “I ordered a caramel mocha, but, could I get that with no mocha. I want chocolate instead.”

(I am slightly confused as to what she’s saying so I ask her to repeat herself.)

Customer: “I want chocolate instead of mocha.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, you do realize that mocha IS chocolate?”

(I and two of my friends are at a convenience store buying drinks. My friends drink is 2.73 including tax. He hands the cashier exactly 2.73. But the cashier doesn’t take it.)

Friend: “Here you go.”

Cashier: “This isn’t enough.”

Friend: “What do you mean. You said it was 2.73 and I gave you 2.73 exactly.”

Cashier: “Exact change isn’t enough.”

Friend: “What the h*** are you on about. I gave you the exact money. Why can’t I have this drink if I gave the exact change?”

Cashier: “Fine, I’ll cover it this time.”

Friend: *confused face*

Cashier: “Go. Before I change my mind about helping you.”

(My friend was muttering about the cashier all the way back to his house.)

(In my group of friends, I am the most cautious. Despite being able to see the entire lot, entrances and all, I look both ways before crossing from the gas pumps to the store. My friend is going in to get some snacks, and rolls his eyes when I stop to look both ways. We’re both in our early 20s at the time.)

Friend: “I can’t believe how paranoid you are all the time. You can see everything here! It’s safe.”

(As he starts to cross, I throw my arm in front of him.)

Friend: “Don’t give me that. It’s sa—”

(Just as he was saying that, a car sped into the lot, right in front of us, and screeches into a spot across from the gas pump on the other side.)

Friend: “How the h*** did you know a car was coming from that way? It’s all woods back there!”

Me: “It’s called ‘listening’ and knowing the only way out from that way is either here or the street that crosses. 50/50 chance, but I like to think everyone in a two-ton vehicle is an idiot and trust none.”

(My friends never bothered saying anything about my caution after that.)

(In my state, it is illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas — and, yes, I’m well aware that this violates separation of church and state. It does lead to some interesting conversations.)

Customer: “Hi there, can I get a bottle of [Brand] whiskey?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s actually illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas in New Mexico.”

Customer: “How about I give you an extra $20?”

Me: “Tell you what. If you want to do my mandatory six months in federal prison, and pay my $5,000 fine, sure.”

Customer: *shocked expression* “Oh, wow, um, never mind. Thanks.” *leaves*

(I’m the foolish customer here. I walk into the mini-mart near my house late one evening, pick up a basket, and start shopping. After two minutes, there’s a surprised cough from behind the tills.)

Cashier: “Um, you do realise we’re closed, yeah?”

Me: “Oh. Are you?”

Cashier: “Yeah, the shutters are down, the lights are mostly off, the barrier is across the car park…”

Me: “Oh… OH! Sorry! I’m far, far too self-absorbed to notice something as subtle as the shutters being down and the lights being off.”

(The cashier bursts out laughing.)

Me: “I’ll go. Sorry to have delayed you going home!”

Cashier: “Nah, don’t worry, I haven’t cashed up yet; I’ll put your stuff through for making me laugh.”

(I really have to start paying more attention to my surroundings!)