(I am sitting in my history discussion section, in the same seat I have occupied all semester. Our teacher’s assistant is handing back our quizzes.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “[My Name]… [My Name]?”

Me: *waves hand*

Teacher’s Assistant: “Is [My Name] here?”

Me: *waves hand higher*

Teacher’s Assistant: “[My Name]? [My Name]?”

Me: *exasperated* “[Teacher’s Assistant], I’m right here!”

(He turns and sees me. He blushes as he realizes what has happened.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “Ah, your usual spot. Good place to hide.”

(I’m in my living room, saying goodbye to the guy I’ve been dating for a few weeks. Earlier that night, we had gone to Walmart, where we had looked at Christmas toys. He has his hands on my shoulders and is turning me side to side. I ‘punch’ him.)

Boyfriend: “Now make ‘pow’ noises while you do that!”

Me: *makes noises*

Boyfriend: “Now you’re just like the Superman action figure from the store!”

Me: “Are you kidding? I’m way cooler than that Superman!”

Boyfriend: “How do you figure?”

Me: “Well, for one, I have way more than 10 action phrases.”

Boyfriend: “That is true… I guess you are cooler!”

(I’m in organic chemistry. We’re working in the lab, which is on the third floor. Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off. We all have to clear the building and stand in the parking lot. Keep in mind that we all are still wearing lab coats, goggles, and gloves. As we’re standing there, students from other classes eye us suspiciously.)

Student: “What did you guys do?!”

Classmate: “I took off my shoe and the smell was so bad that it triggered the alarm.”

(Oddly, the classmate’s shoe had fallen off at the exact same moment that the alarm went off. He had to leave it in the lab until the fire alarm was over. Maybe it really did set the alarm off!)

Related:
If The Shoe Fits…

(We are talking about molecular physics.)

Professor: “Resonance explains why molecules act the way they do. Resonance is the answer to everything!”

Student: “How many cars are in the parking lot?”

Professor: “Resonance.”

(There is a classmate in my British literature class who hates everyone. Every week, before the professor arrives, he rants about how horrible various ethnic groups (Germans, LGBT, Latin Americans, etc.) are. Normally, we just roll our eyes and ignore him. Today, [Classmate #2], who sits beside him, has evidently had enough.)

Classmate #1: “God, I hate the French. They are the most pompous a**-holes!”

Classmate #2: “Really? Because the most pompous person I’ve ever seen is you!”

Classmate #1: “What? The French are a bunch of cowards! You’re an American! You have to hate the French!”

Classmate #2: “Yeah? Well, you must’ve failed your last history test. As [Professor] told us, the French were pretty bad-a** during World War II.”

Classmate #1: “But—”

(The professor, who none of us notice until he clears his throat, stands in the doorway.)

Professor: “[Classmate #1], there’s also the fact that your professor is, indeed, French. I expect you to write me an essay on the importance of France-US relations, no less than 3,000 words and due in two days. Perhaps [Classmate #2] can help you with that.”