(A classmate is waiting for me in a study room before an exam, while I’m in the bus on my way. This conversation takes place via text messages.)

Classmate: “Come to the common room!”

Me: “The Slytherin common room?”

Classmate: “Of course! The one right in front of the yellow staircase.”

Me: “Hufflepuff, then. I’ll be right there, just gotta tickle the pear.”

(I started tickling her as soon as I arrived.)

(During my math final, which takes place in a lecture hall, the professor calls up pairs of rows of seats so students can go find TAs to get their work signed off. Each two rows proceed as A and Z, B and Y, and so on. He repeats the pair of rows only once.)

Professor: “F, U.”

(Cue laughter from around seven hundred students.)

Professor: “F, U.”

(A little less laughter.)

Professor: “…F U.”

(Much more laughter.)

(I’m head lab instructor. Many classes involve students doing body measurements with different machines, measuring tapes, and skin calipers. I open up the lab room and walk in to see five students, two female and three male, all in their underwear, taking tape and skin caliper measurements like it was no big deal. They look up.)

Students: “Hey.”

(They continued. I just slowly backed away and closed the door. Good for them, but really?!)

(Syllabus quizzes are stupidly common at my university. I am told on the first day of class that there will be a syllabus quiz on the next meeting day, so I studied the syllabus. Sure enough, the professor puts up a slide on the screen, with “THE BIG QUIZ” written in massive font.)

Professor: “So did I tell you that YOU guys ask ME the questions? This is my syllabus quiz to take!”

(Sure enough, he actually just wanted us to read the syllabus so we would be able to ask him any questions we had, and kept asking us what his grade was. He also uses a talking zombie animation to help teach some parts of his class. Best. Professor. Ever.)

(We are in stats class:)

Student #1: “I think my patronus would be a dog.”

Student #2: “Nah, mine would be something big like a tiger or something.”

Student #1: “Dogs guard you, though.”

Student #3: “I’d have a dragon.”

Student #2: “[Lecturer], what’s your patronus?”

Lecturer: “A probability less than or equal to point zero five.”