(I’m hanging out with a group of friends and my boyfriend when I overhear him talking to his male friends.)
Friend: “I mean, how heavy can breasts be anyways?”
Boyfriend: “Well, it depends on the girl’s diet.”
Friend: “…What?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, the fattier foods they eat the bigger their breasts are!”
(I started laughing along with everyone else in the room. My poor boyfriend was red in the face and I had to give him the talk that night about what really causes breast size. We’re both 20 years old!)
(In a theater tech class:)
Teacher: “What are some new building materials?”
Student #1: “Love.”
Teacher: “No, love is not a building material.”
Student #1: “You try building a house without love.”
Student #2: “I’ll have two feet of love, please.”
(I’m studying English and that happened in a course on English linguistics offered to students in their third semester or higher. I have just finished a presentation and now the other students can give feedback. A girl that I haven’t had any real interaction with raises her hand and begins to talk in a very smug tone.)
Girl: “I think you used too many technical terms. They may be fine for you since this is a specialized topic for you, but we didn’t have a clue what you meant.”
Teacher: “What examples of those technical terms are you talking about, [Girl]?”
Girl: “Conjunctions. You should have really explained that one; no one knows what that is.”
(I’m silent for a bit, since this is a linguistics course for advanced students.)
Me: “Conjunctions, such as ‘and’ or ‘or.’ We have the same term in German. Are there any more terms you didn’t understand?”
(She was silent after that. Most students here learn those terms in fifth grade, long before university.)
(My next door neighbor and I recently started classes at our local community college. Despite being about the same age and living next door for a while, we’ve never really been all that close, but, since our classes are relatively close and start at more or less the same time, we’ve decided to carpool together. I’m carless, but paying for gas; she has a used BMV her parents gave her. One day, I walk out to see my neighbor waiting in her car with the trunk open. I happen to be running a tad late, so I begin to load my stuff into the trunk. Suddenly, she starts backing up.)
Me: *shouting* “WHOA! WHOA!”
(She stops backing up. I finish loading and sit down in the front seat. She starts the car.)
Me: “I’m sorry! I thought you saw me walk out.”
Neighbor: *somewhat condescendingly* “Yeah, I can’t see anything with the trunk open like that. Also, could you please not slam the door? This is a very expensive car!”
(That was the last time we carpooled!)
(My mom happens to stop by my apartment one day, and she sees the line of empty rum bottles my roommate had put on our windowsill.)
Mom: “Oh, what kind of liquor is that?”
Me: “That’s Kraken rum, mom.”
Mom: “Why is there crack in it?”
