(I work at a summer camp. On Wednesdays, most of the older children have permission to go off-site to a swimming pool; the younger children stay onsite for sprinklers and water balloon games. Group One has all of the kids who are five and six years old.)

Me: “Okay! We’re all out of water balloons, so we’re going to start free play soon. Group One boys, go change out of your bathing suits.”

(I turn around to speak to a coworker, and when I turn back, I see that most of the boys have gone inside to the bathroom–except for one completely naked five year old standing on the deck. I spin back around, trying not to attract the attention of the other campers.)

Me: *hissing* “[Male Coworker]! [Male Coworker]!”

Male Coworker: “What?” *sees child* “OH! Hey, buddy! Buddy! Let’s go to the bathroom!”

(He hurries over. The kid looks up, beams, picks up his clothes, and sprints towards the bathroom. I look at my coworkers, who are all cracking up, and sigh.)

Me: “All right, Group One girls, now you can all GO INSIDE to change IN THE BATHROOM…”

(While waiting for lunch to roll around, one of my slightly ditzy coworkers asks this question:)

Coworker: “Do you think if you were strong enough you could lift yourself up by your own arm?”

Me: “You mean one-handed pull ups?”

Coworker: “No, like this.”

(She then holds one hand in the air and grabs it with the other, while not actually holding onto any solid object.)

Me: “Um… no that wouldn’t work.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “Because… physics.”

(It’s breakfast time. The camp food has been exceptionally bad this year, and on top of that, not enough is being provided for a camp full of boys between the ages of 11-17. This morning’s breakfast includes a piece of toast, a small egg diskette, and a sausage patty.)

Friend: “Dude, can you believe this?!”

(He then takes is toast and slams it against his tray, causing it to break into several pieces.)

Me: “Wow, I don’t think toast is supposed to shatter like that.”

(I work with a medical needs camp. Because a lot of our kids have been coddled, and could be subject to hurtful words from their peers at school and such, our staff personality is fairly sarcastic and jokey/pranky to help kids learn to roll with punches. We are in the lake when a camper comes up to me and jumps into my arms like a fireman carry, which is easy as we are in water.)

Camper: *melodramatically* “Take me to safety.”

Me: “Hey, [Other Staff Member]!” *carrying camper towards them* “Let’s play No-More-Bubbles!”

(The other staff member looks up at the lifeguard expectantly, who shrugs in a joking “why-not?” way. The camper, kind of knowing we’re joking, but still playing along, starts screaming. In the middle of our antics, a Department of Health inspector comes along. We start to frantically explain that this is part of our rapport with our campers, and why, when the Department of Health inspector holds up their hand and cuts us off.)

Department Of Health Inspector: “Don’t worry. I think this is fantastic. More kids need to learn to have fun that way.”

(I work at the reception of a camping site. As I’m handling one client, another one asks for the wireless password.)

Client: “Do you have a wifi?”

Me: “Yes, right over there.”

(I point to a glass bowl in which we keep pieces of paper with the password of the wlan written on. I finish with the other customer and turn to the lady, who is still standing at the desk, looking concerned.)

Me: “So, it’s fairly slow, and it works when it wants to, but at least it’s free.”

Client: “Sorry, what did you say?”

Me: “Only that the wireless is really slow, but it’s free and sometimes it works.”

Client: “Oh! Oh! I read this sign and it said 65 €, and I thought, wow, that’s kind of expensive!”

(Turned out she had been reading the price list with the prices of accommodation and camping with us. We laughed it off as she gratefully took a free password.)