(I’m on the bus, holding an iced coffee in a translucent cup that clearly shows that I’ve already drunk half of it. Out of nowhere, a guy I’ve never met comes up, takes a look at my beverage, and addresses me.)

Guy: “Hey, can I have a drink of that coffee?”

(I’m dumbfounded at this question and am unsure if he’s serious, but I manage to come up with an appropriately snarky response.)

Me: “As you can surely see, it’s already got my cooties in it, which I doubt you’d want.”

(Thankfully, he takes the hint and leaves me alone after that.)

(I’m a mother of three boys. I cannot drive for medical reasons; therefore, we take the bus regularly. One day an androgynous young person sits near us. I can see that my toddler is a bit confused.)

Son: *whispering* “Mom… is that a boy or a girl?”

Me: *whispering back* “I’m not sure. It’s rude to ask if someone is a boy or a girl, so I guess we’ll never know.”

(This answer clearly did NOT sit well with my curious three year old. I could see him struggling with his curiosity for several city blocks. But finally, as we near our stop, he could not hold back any longer.)

Son: *very loudly* “Excuse me. Do you have a penis?”

(My friend and I are on vacation in St. Louis. I am originally from a Denver suburb, while she is from southern New Mexico, which is a desert with no ‘suburban’ grass.)

Friend: *points out the window of the bus* “Okay, you probably know… Why does grass do that?”

Me: “Do what? You mean why does it have those lines?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Um… because that’s how it’s mowed. It’s mowed in the same pattern every time.”

Friend: “Oh. That’s so weird.”

(It never occurred to me that there is no grass in the desert!)

(I overhear this conversation as people are getting on the bus.)

Passenger: *asking the driver if it is the right route* “Hi, I’m going to [Place].”

Driver: *without missing a beat* “I’m delighted for you, love.”

(It took a lot for me not to laugh.)

(My friend is a trans-woman, and because she passes well most people don’t notice.)

Friend: “So, I think I’m going to ask [Boyfriend] to marry me.”

Me: “Oh wow, that’s great! I’m sure he’ll say yes.”

(A stranger in front of us suddenly turns around and scowls.)

Stranger: “You can’t do that!”

Friend: “Pardon me?”

Stranger: “Women can’t ask men to marry them.”

Me: “Why not?”

Stranger: “Men need to be in control of decisions like that. When women do it, it emasculates them.”

Friend: “Oh, no worries about that, then. If his balls shrivel up or fall off, he can have mine.”