A Great Sense Of Rumor

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Related | March 20, 2012

(My 11-year-old brother is doing a report on the middle ages for school.)

Brother: “Mom, what’s hearsay?”

Mom: “It’s like gossip, or word of mouth.”

Me: “Heresy! He means heresy!”

Mom: “What context was it in?”

Brother: “Well, this guy was found guilty of hearsay and burned at the stake.”

Double trouble

| Related | March 20, 2012

Divorced From The Idea

UT, USA | Related | March 19, 2012

(I’m at a family party celebrating the 60th wedding anniversary of my grandparents.)

Uncle: “Mom, Dad, I’ve got to ask. Sixty years: how’d you do it?”

Grandpa: “Well, that’s easy. We never both wanted to get a divorce at the same time.”

Grandma: “So far.”

Return Of De Ting

| New Zealand | Related | March 19, 2012

(My mum comes home one night a little more tired than usual. She needs my help in the kitchen.)

Mum: “Can you please put the thing in the thing?”

Me: “Which thing?”

Mum: “You know, the big thing. The black one.”

Me: “This thing?” *holds up pan*

Mum: “No, no. The other one.”

Me: “Is it this thing?” *holds up wok*

Mum: “Argh, why don’t you understand? It’s the thing, the thing!”

(This goes on for quite some time until eventually I work out that she means one of the cooking pots, and I hold it up.)

Me: “This is the thing you’re talking about?”

Mum: “Yes! Yes, THAT thing!”

Me: “Mum, you’ve really got to be more specific when you talk about things.”

 

Home Is Where The Hurt Is

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Related | March 19, 2012

(My parents have been redoing the kitchen for about a year now, and I still find myself wondering where things go when I come home on the occasional weekend from school.)

Me: “Mom, where do you guys keep the measuring cups? I don’t remember.”

Mom: “Oh, don’t worry about forgetting. You don’t really live here.”

Me: “Wow, thanks, Mom. I feel so loved.”

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