More Telling Than Kissing

| MD, USA | Related | December 20, 2011

(I am working in a coffee shop, a mother comes in to make an order.)

Mother: “Yes, I would like to order one venti frappuccino. But can you pour it into two tall cups?”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Mother: “This is for me and my daughter. We usually share our drinks.”

Me: “Not today, though?”

Mother: “Oh, no, never again. She is in middle school now. I don’t know who I’d be indirectly kissing.”

Me: *chuckles* “I see.”

Mother: “Yeah, she has been getting a lot of cold-sores lately, and I don’t need to go through that again!”

Grandma’s Secret Ingredient

| KS, USA | Related | December 20, 2011

Mom: “So, what’s this we’re having for dinner?”

Grandma: “It’s… marinada…. marinade… Marijuana sauce!”

Me: “Grandma, it’s marinara sauce!”

When In Doubt, Overdo The Under

| NJ, USA | Related | December 20, 2011

(I work at a clothing store. A young girl approaches my desk.)

Girl: “Hi, I need to, uh, return this stuff.”

(She slides a gift bag crammed with thongs across the counter. It has thongs of every, color, shape, and size – ranging from small to extra-large.)

Me: “Okay, this is an awful lot of underwear you, ah, need to return. Do you have a receipt?”

Girl: “No. It was a gift. From my dad.”

Me: “Your father bought you all of this?”

Girl: “Sure. He didn’t know which size to get.”

Social Faux Pa Pa, Part 2

| Stratford, CT, USA | Related | December 19, 2011

(I am shopping with my young son. I am talking to a male sales assistant.)

Me: “Hi, how are you, today?”

Sales assistant: “Fine, and yourself?”

Me: “Not too bad.”

Son: “Mommy, is that going to be our new daddy?”

Me: “No, we are just talking.”

Son: “I don’t want a new daddy!” *starts crying*


Teaching How To Spell

| England, UK | Related | December 19, 2011

(I work a summer job in a Wiccan store. A father walks in.)

Me: “Welcome to [store], how may I help you?”

Father: “My daughter wants to be a witch.”

Me: “Okay sir, how old is she?”

Father: “15.”

Me: “Sir, do you mean witch, or ‘witch’?”

Father: *giving me a curious look as I was making air quotes around ‘witch’* “Why are you asking?”

Me: “Because, sir, the legal age for joining a coven is 18. She’s too young, I’m afraid.”

(My co-worker chimes in.)

Co-worker: “Is she here?”

Father: “Yes, she’s outside.”

Co-worker: “The one with the big dog?”

Father: “Yes.”

Daughter: *from outside* “Dad! Stop making me be a witch! It’s a school project!”

Me: “She can come in if she wants to. We’re harmless.”

Father: “What would she need to get started being a witch? I found drawings of stars and knives and cauldrons in her room, along with a book. It’s witchcraft I tell you!”

Me: “What book was it?”

Father: “The Crucible.”

Me: “Ah. You may want to check with her school. And read the book.”

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