Providing Cheesy Advice

(I am in a rush, no make up, hair only in a ponytail, wearing a long green wool coat that reaches my knees, black slacks, and snow boots. A lady in the aisle steps in front of me.)

Lady: “You! Do you work here?”

Me: *startled* “Uh… No.”

Lady: “Well, you look like the sort of person who would know this anyway. What kind of cheese goes in French onion soup?” *she waves a can of the soup at me*

Me: “Um… that’s… I don’t really cook, but I’m pretty sure it’s any white cheese. Mozzarella is an American favorite, of course, but provolone might be better if you want a little kick. Swiss maybe? I think it’s really up to what cheese you like, and to stick mostly with the whiter cheeses, since the orange ones are usually pretty thick and would sink in the soup.”

Lady: “Oh! Good! That makes it easier. Thank you! Any bread suggestions?”

Me: “Uh. Traditionally it was anything slightly stale or really hard that wouldn’t be eaten any other way.”

Lady: “So a thick soup bread should work.”

Me: “Probably.”

Lady: *sounding really cheered* “Good! Thanks again!”

(She walked off and I was standing there totally gob-smacked and wondering both how giving her so many different cheese choices helped and also wondering how the heck I “looked like someone who would know.” It sort of made it worse that I did vaguely know, and I really hope I didn’t screw up the soup she was apparently really anxious to make.)