Perhaps They Can Offer A Rain Check

Me: “Hi, I’d like to return this raincoat.”

Clerk: “We don’t do returns unless the item is defective.”

Me: “It’s definitely defective. The first time I wore it, when I tried to take it off the entire zipper ripped off.”

(The clerk examines the raincoat.)

Clerk: “Yeah, but it’s all dirty. We can only give refunds if you were using the item as it was intended.”

Me: “I was using it exactly as intended, and the zipper still ripped off.”

Clerk: “I don’t think so. It looks like you’re pretty hard on your gear. I could call my manager out here, but I can tell you right now that he’ll just agree with me. I mean, if it still looked new, then maybe, but how did you get this raincoat so dirty?”

Me: “Well… I wore it in a rainstorm.”