Not A Very Effectual Teacher

(I’m in English class, where the teacher is explaining common mistakes made in paper-writing.)

Teacher: “So you see, ‘effect’ is always a noun, and ‘affect’ is always a verb.”

Me: “Well… but isn’t ‘effect’ a verb sometimes? Like, ‘to effect change.’”

Teacher: “No, that’s ‘affect.’”

Me: “Um… no, it’s ‘effect.’ You know, when you put something into effect, you effect it.”

Teacher: *in a slow voice, like I’m not very bright* “That’s just a different phrase. And ‘effect’ is a noun in it, right? When you affect something, it causes effects. That’s exactly what I’ve been saying.”

Me: “It’s not, though. And ‘affect’ can be a noun, too, sometimes, when you’re talking about emotions…”

Teacher: “No, [My Name]. ‘Affect’ is a verb and ‘effect’ is a noun. You’re wrong, and if you keep arguing with me, I’ll have to write you up.”

(I left it alone after that, but it was a very happy day for me when I said goodbye to her for good.)