No Need To Lecture Them Like A Dutch Uncle

(This is a story my mother recently told us at my uncle’s birthday party. I am around five or six at the time.)

Mum: “Now, [My Name], I’ve got something to tell you about [Uncle]. You know his friend? Well he’s a little closer than friend. They’re a bit like me and daddy—”

Me: “You mean Uncle [Uncle’s Boyfriend]?”

Mum: *shocked* “[My Name], who told you to call him uncle?”

Me: “Am I not allowed to?”

Mum: “No, you are! I just want to know why.”

Me: “[Aunt] told me [Uncle’s Boyfriend] is my uncle now too.”

Mum: “And you’re ok with that?”

Me: “I like uncles. I want more uncles! Can [Uncle] get more?”

(This apparently was the reason why everyone at the gay bar they frequented called my uncle’s partner “Uncle.” I don’t remember much of it, but I went to that bar a lot during the day as I grew up, and I was the ring bearer when my uncles finally got married earlier this year.)