(I’m at the house of one of my best guy friends, whom I’ve been on a date with a few times. We’re currently passing the controller back and forth between us as we play through the Injustice game. We get to a part I can’t beat and I’m getting upset.)
Boyfriend: “If I beat Aquaman for you, can I get a kiss?”
(Please note that this would be our first kiss.)
Me: “Only if you can beat him in the first try.”
(He smirks as I get up and go to put my tea cup away. I hear him making annoyed sounds and when I come back, Aquaman is just beating him. He tries to take Aquaman down but fails. I just laugh and shake my head.)
Me: “Aquaman totally just cock-blocked you.”
Boyfriend: “Aquaman totally just cock-blocked me… and I’m never going to live that down am I?”
Me: “Nope.”
(After trying for several minutes to correctly spell one word in a post, I lose my temper.)
Me: “Why can’t I spell ‘intelligence’?!”
Boyfriend: “… I will refrain from giving the obvious answer.”
(I am visiting my family while on break from college. I was recently diagnosed with a banana allergy.)
Stepmother: “Can you make peanut butter and banana sandwiches for the girl’s lunches tomorrow?”
(My dad and I turn and stare at her.)
Me: “… Seriously?”
Stepmother: “Yes. Why is there a problem?”
Dad: “Yeah. She’ll break out in hives.”
Stepmother: “Oh. Right…”
Me: “You’re the one that took me to the allergist.”
This story is part of the Visiting Relatives roundup!
Read the next Visiting Relatives roundup story!
Read the Visiting Relatives roundup!
(My mom and I get into my car.)
Mom: *sniffing* “Why does it smell like cigarette smoke?”
Me: “Is that what that is? I have no idea.”
Mom: “What were you doing?”
Me: “What? Mom, you know I don’t smoke!”
Mom: “Well, who else could it be?”
Me: “I don’t know! Probably not your asthmatic daughter, though!”
(We eventually decided that someone must have mistaken the car for theirs at a Christmas party from a month earlier and had a quick smoke. But I had to put up with my mom accusing me of smoking for almost a month!)
(My family is going out to eat. My aunt, mom, and dad are all in one vehicle while I am in my car a lane over with my eight-year-old cousin.)
Me: “Oh, no. They are getting ahead of us.”
Cousin: “You should speed up! Don’t let them pass!”
Me: “I’m already pushing just over the speed limit. I don’t want the police to pull me over.”
Cousin: “Don’t worry. They can’t pull you over. You have a kid in the car! That’s the rules!”
