Needs To Hear Himself Before He Can Heal Himself

(My 18 month long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, who is much older than me, has been strained and awkward for around six months and I finally decide that we should break up. I am pretty sure he thinks the same, so I hope that the break up will be relatively painless. We meet for lunch at a restaurant near my home.)

Me: “Thanks for meeting up with me. I think we both know that we need to talk.”

Boyfriend: “I know what you mean. I’ve got something to say to you. It’s important and it has to be said.”

Me: “Really? I mean, I know things have been a bit difficult lately but I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do about it.”

Boyfriend: “You don’t need to tell me. I know stuff has been awkward between us lately and we have to do something about it. It can’t carry on like this.”

Me: “Wow, I’m so glad you’re on the same page as me with this.”

Boyfriend: “Well, it was inevitable, wasn’t it?”

Me: “It was really. We can stay friends though, right?”

Boyfriend: “Of course. Being friends is important. Husbands and wives should always be the best of friends.”

Me: “Yes I— Wait, WHAT?!”

(He kneels down and gets out a box with an engagement ring in it.)

Boyfriend: “You’re my friend and the love of my life. Will you marry me?”

Me: “No! I’m trying to break up with you. I thought that was what you meant!”

(I get my coat and start to leave.)

Boyfriend: “But marriage solves everything! It will fix all our problems! It can heal our relationship!”

(He runs after me.)

Boyfriend: “Come back! Let’s be healed!”

(After I got away from him, he texted me for a month solid, begging to ‘let marriage heal me!’)