(My Spanish class is goofing off and somehow wolves come up.)

Girl #1: “C’mon guys, EVERYONE knows wolves aren’t real!”

(The room goes dead quiet then bursts out into laughter, even our teacher.)

Girl #2: “Did you not see them when we went to the zoo?”

Me: “Werewolves. Werewolves is the word you’re thinking of.”

(We are in an all-school assembly, listening to a speaker talk about organ and tissue donation. A freshman raises her hand.)

Speaker: “Yes, you there.”

Student: “So, if you get a brain transplant, do you, like, have the other person’s thoughts?”

Speaker: *obviously trying to gauge the seriousness of the asker* “Um, no.”

Student: *in all honesty* “Why not?”

Speaker: *trying to keep a straight face* “Because brain transplants aren’t something we have learned how to do. You cannot donate your brain; you cannot receive someone else’s brain.”

Student: “Oh.”

(Like many kids, I had an obsession with dinosaurs. I am reading a satirical book during free time about keeping dinosaurs as pets that has real, mundane photos with CGI dinosaurs in humorous situations photo-shopped into them.)

Classmate: “You know that book isn’t real, right?”

(I stare at him for a moment because at first I think he’s joking, but then I realize that he apparently assumed I was an idiot.)

Me: “Of course it is. Didn’t you know that Jurassic Park was a documentary?”

(I am teaching my students about bimetallism in the 1890s.)

Me: “So, if you move your economy to bimetallism from the gold standard, you always get inflation, because gold plus silver always gets you more currency than just gold. One plus anything is always more than one.”

Student #1: “Unless you add a negative number.”

Me: *ready for this* “Yes, I knew someone was going to say that. But until you can open your wallet and pull out negative money, your argument is invalid.”

Student #2: “I thought that’s what a credit card was.”

Me: “…well-played, [Student #2].”

(This is a computer animation class, and the professor has a very pronounced French accent. During the lecture, the animation software we’re using for the class bugs out and does something really wonky.)

Professor: “What the f***?!”

(There is an awkward pause while the class processes that whole ‘professor cursing in class’ thing.)

Professor: “By the way, I am the only one in the class who can honestly say ‘pardon my French.'”